


Guess for once i can't pretend

by henriksen



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Depression, Even works for a satirical magazine, Explicit Language, Friends to Lovers, He's just trying to be an adult but Even won't let him live, Isak has a pink dildo named Dallas, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-11-20 16:30:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11339175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henriksen/pseuds/henriksen
Summary: Jonas shook his head, “Nah, man. I think Isak’s type is more 'tall and slender' than 'strong and muscular'.”Or, Even started to go to the gym and Isak was totally cool with it. Definitely.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first (published) work, so please be nice to me. Also all grammar errors are mine.

Isak fished his phone out of his back pocket to check the time.

"19.21"

Which meant that his friends would be arriving in probably less than ten minutes. They could be the laziest, clumsiest bunch one might ever seen, but they would never be late to a gathering where the free beer was promised.

It wasn't exactly a promise that Isak had made willingly. He was sort of forced into it by his closest, dearest friends after they found out that he would be getting paid later in that evening. (Isak should probably have kept Jonas away from his phone, and his email notifications.)

While he waited for them to arrive, Isak decided to go over the final details once again just to make sure that everything was up to the standards. Because, as surreal as it sounded, he was a functioning adult with a proper job now. He couldn't just rip open several bags of chips and pour them into the same plastic bowl and call it a day, could he?

Eskild raised him better than that.

So first things first, Isak decided to check the fridge for beer once again, just to see if he needed to ask the boys to bring some as well. He was satisfied with the amount that was left in it (enough to refill the cooler one more time, which was already filled with ice, beer and water bottles), so he thought they would be alright for the rest of the night. 

(The cooler was one of Even's brilliant ideas. Because every single person in their friend group was lazy as fuck, and no one ever wanted to go all the way to the kitchen to grab a beer. And over the time, it started to have its own permanent place at their parties.)

Then he headed to the living room, where everything was already set on the coffee table. He moved things around a bit until he was satisfied with the presentation and the placements.

(The dips were specifically for Magnus, all four of them, and the gummy bears were for Mahdi. Because they both had a tendency to get a bit cranky, when they wanted some and found none. 

Jonas was a “I’ll eat whatever you put in front of me” kind of guy so he didn't require anything special (he was Isak's favourite for a reason). Still, Isak had gone ahead and bought some seedless red grapes for him because he was the best host in the world.)

He then decided to order the pizza because, according to his calculations, it would be delivered approximately twenty minutes after everyone arrived. He also made sure to order some for Even as well. He needed to eat something other than cereals and crackers.

After he got that out of the way and his mind, he went over to the bookcase where Even’s vintage speakers rested on the top shelf and plugged his phone into them. He put one of Jonas’ spotify playlists on just to have something in the background and turned the volume down.

The house was also clean, Isak proudly observed. At least the parts that were visible to the others were free of dust and mould. (Meaning: everywhere except Isak’s own room. And Even’s. But Even somehow always managed to keep his room tidier than Isak's anyway). Isak mentally patted himself on the back.

Speaking of Even, he had been a little bit down recently. And when Isak asked him whether or not he would like to join them for tonight (because his boys adored Even. Not the way Isak did obviously, but still), he had shrugged apologetically and said, “Maybe another time.”

Isak, knowing better than not to push it by now, just left him be. Even though he wanted nothing more than to have his annoyingly cheerful Even back, the depression didn’t work like that. And forcing Even out of his room without him feeling ready wouldn't help his recovery process at all. It would only make everything worse in the end.

Isak knew that all he could do for Even right now was to be patient and make sure that he ate proper meals at least twice a day and stayed hydrated. 

The reason for Even's recent depressive episode was because he had broken up with his girlfriend of four years couple of weeks ago. Which, as the articles Isak'd been reading explained, could be a major trigger for depression, especially for someone who struggled with their mental illness.

And the worst thing was, when Even first told Isak the news, Isak didn't take him seriously.

He might also have laughed and clapped Even on the back in a very bro-ish manner and told him not to worry because… well, those two always got back together in the end, didn’t they? Isak didn't think it wasn’t a very big deal at all.

Which was… yeah, very insensitive, when he thought about how sad Even had been.

But could you really blame him?

He just didn't want to get his hopes up only to be disappointed once again when he saw Sonja sitting on top of their kitchen counter, wearing one of Even’s shirts and swinging her legs back and forth as Even made them breakfast.

Because that was what exactly happened before. 

Before when Even told Isak that it was over between him and Sonja for good and Isak, like a fool, had let himself hope.

He really should have known better.

Because couple of days later, Isak saw them kissing at a party he’d gone together with Even. 

He still didn’t know what went down that night. He didn't really want to know, if he was honest. Seeing them together was painful enough.

Isak, thankfully, had gotten his head out of his ass fast enough to catch up on the fact that the situation was a bit different than before. It had already been a couple of weeks, yet still no sign of Sonja being back in Even's life. And now Isak was feeling guilty for acting like a dick and not being there for Even when he needed his support the most.

He was trying to make up for it though. Without suffocating Even with all the attention, of course. And Even still hadn't told him to _piss of and leave him alone_ , so Isak assumed he was doing an alright job.

He only realised that he had been standing in the hallway looking at Even’s door like a lovesick idiot for god knows how long when the doorbell rang.

He jumped, letting out an involuntary curse. He made his way to the door but not before stopping by the mirror on the hallway first to make himself look more presentable.

He got an armful of Magnus as soon as he answered the door. Which was to be expected, knowing him. It still caught Isak off guard and he stumbled back a bit with the force of it. Rest of the boys, thankfully, only clapped him on the back as he ushered them inside.

“Is my man here?” Magnus asked, starting to take off his coat and heading to the couch. Before Isak could even have a chance to ask who his man was, Magnus had already turned his head to the general direction of Even’s room and yelled, “Even!”

“Shhh!” Isak warned as he collected their coats and threw them haphazardly into an empty chair. He wasn’t adult enough to hang them up on the coat rack yet. “Shut up, Mags!”

“Why?” Magnus asked, looking adorably confused. Not that Isak would ever admit it. He also looked too comfortable sprawled out on his couch all by himself.

“He’s a bit down still”, he explained as he took a seat on the carpet beside Jonas. Who was helping himself with grapes.

“How’s he doing?” Mahdi asked from his place on the armchair. He already had a beer in hand and a small bowl of peanuts in his lap.

“I don’t know”, Isak shrugged, “He doesn't really talk about it.”

“That’s to be expected though", Jonas commented. “When you end a long term relationship, it takes time to get back on track.”

“True… so true,” Magnus nodded in agreement.

Isak watched in horror as Mahdi grabbed a handful of peanuts and threw them at Magnus, “How would you know, idiot? You never had a proper relationship.”

“Before I agree with you”, Isak started, looking pointedly at Mahdi, “I have to say that if _you_ ever get peanuts on my carpet ever again, I’ll end your life!” The carpet was a gift from Even's mom and probably the most expensive thing in their house. Isak sort of treasured it.

Mahdi raised his hands apologetically, “Sorry, bro. But he deserved it!”

“No, I didn’t!” Magnus pouted, “You guys are always so mean to me!”

“Yes, you did!” Jonas shot back.

Magnus crossed his arms over his chest, “No, I didn't. But whatever…”

The doorbell rang again, signaling that their pizzas had arrived. Everyone cheered, including Magnus who forgot all about his temporary indignance.

Isak grabbed an unopened bottle of water from the cooler. “For Even”, he explained when others threw him questioning looks. He profusely ignored the one from Jonas. “Gotta make sure he eats.”

He then got up to collect his order. He thanked and tipped the delivery guy, and before he went back to the living room, he headed to Even’s. He put down the water on the floor first, then picked out a box after making sure that it was Even’s favourite and placed that in front of the door beside the bottle as well.

He softly rapped his knuckles against the wooden surface a few times before saying, “There's some pizza and water in front of your door, if you feel like eating.”

Even, probably sleeping, didn't answer back. Isak stood there couple of seconds in complete silence before returning back to the living room.

Magnus, as soon as he saw him at the entrance, started making grabby hands at him. Which made Isak roll his eyes fondly before placing the boxes on the table. Everyone grabbed themselves one, forgoing the plates all together, and settled around the table once again, making themselves comfortable.

The conversation flew easily like it always did with his boys. They talked about school, work, families and of course, relationships.

It was all good until Magnus opened his mouth and whined, “Guys, honestly, tell me why I can't get a girlfriend?”

All three of them shared a look. “Maybe you’re simply not their type, Mags”, Isak said, patting his knee in faux consolation before Magnus swatted his hand away. “Don't be sad!”

“Bullshit! What's their type, anyway?”

Jonas shrugged, “I don't know man. I’m doing just fine.”

Magnus raised his eyebrows, looking Jonas up and down. “So you’re their type, but I’m not. Is that what you're implying?”

“Well, I seem to fit the criteria.”

“I do, too,” Mahdi chimed in.

Magnus huffed and run a hand through his hair in frustration, “This really isn't helping guys,” he then nudged Isak with his knee, “Maybe you can tell me!”

“Tell you what exactly, Magnus?” Isak asked, already regretting it big time.

“You’re gay! You can like…relate to girls now and tell me what they like in a boy!” A series of groans raised around the table. Magnus looked around, confused. “What? What did I say?”

“Dude,” Jonas sighed, already facepalming.

“That wasn't offensive, was it?” Magnus asked.

Mahdi jumped in before Isak could, “Just because he likes dudes doesn't mean he can relate to girls. The fuck, man?”

“But…”

“Magnus,” Isak started calmly. He was sort of used to his stupid ass, invasive questions so he wasn't even angry. “I can tell you what I, as a boy, like in a boy. But I can't give you an insight into a girl’s brain just because I’m gay, if that's what you're expecting.”

“Oh…” Magnus said quietly, dejected. “Sorry.”

“Yeah.” Isak said.

He perked up again a second later, “Tell us what you like then?”

Isak groaned and shook his head. Even’s beautiful face briefly flashed before his eyes but he willed it away, “No way!”

Jonas punched his shoulder lightly in return, “Come on, bro! We never talk about your love life!”

“And we never will, thank you very much!”

“Why not, though?” Mahdi asked, “Are you into…I don't know- like...furries or something?”

Isak could feel himself flushing red in embarrassment as Magnus and Jonas started cackling beside him.

Traitors. He was going to disown all of them.

“Furries!” Isak spluttered. “Who do you think I am? Furries?”, his voice was getting higher and higher with each sentence.

Mahdi raised his hands and smiled. Isak rolled his eyes at him in return. His face was slowly turning back to its usual colour.

“I know what he liiikes,” Magnus sing songed after he calmed down.

A sudden wave of dread washed over Isak. He tried, really really hard, to conceal the fact that he liked Even. But if Magnus had caught upon the fact, then everyone could. More importantly, Even could. And Isak absolutely couldn't live with knowing that Even had been aware of his pathetic crush the whole time. It was way too cliche, a gay guy falling for his straight friend, and also way too humiliating.

Not to mention hopeless.

Mahdi scooted closer, genuinely intrigued, “What he likes, then?”

Isak casted a sidelong glance at Jonas, expecting him to say something to save his ass. But he was just as interested in Isak's nonexistent love life as the other two traitors.

Great.

“Someone like…” Magnus hummed, deep in thought. Isak narrowed his eyes at him, only to be completely ignored. “Hah!” Magnus jumped, clicking his fingers, “Charlie Hunnam!”

Isak opened his mouth to say something, but Jonas beat him to it. “Charlie Hun- no way, man!” 

“Why not?” Magnus asked, clearly offended by Jonas’ obvious dismissal. “That's what they all like!”

“I’m really afraid to ask…” Mahdi started, “but who are they exactly, Mags?”

“Twinks.” Magnus answered without even missing a beat.

This time it was Isak who grabbed a handful of grapes and threw it at Magnus as the other two exchanged confused glances, clearly not knowing what a twink was.

“What?” Magnus asked as he ducked his head to dodge the objects. “Am I lying?”

“I’m not a twink!”

“Yes, you are! That's what Eskild said and he's more experienced in the gay department than you!” Magnus insisted.

“Eskild needs to stop texting you. Besides if I’m a twink then you're one, too”, Isak exclaimed proudly, raising his eyebrows at Magnus in challenge.

Magnus shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe.”

“What's a twink?” Mahdi asked. Isak wished he didn't.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Magnus said. “Google it!”

“Aight!” Jonas said as he lifted his butt a bit to pull his phone out of his back pocket.

“Don't!” Isak warned him, trying to make a grab for it. But Jonas quickly pulled it out of his reach. He was already typing it out in the search box and to Isak’s complete horror, added “Urban Dictionary” beside it. Isak groaned and buried his head into his hands.

That website could only mean trouble.

“Let's see…” Jonas said as he scrolled down, tongue poking out from the side of his mouth in concentration. “Oh, here it is! _A term often used to describe a youthful homosexual male, who is smooth-bodied, only slightly-muscular, with little or no body hair, and has a semi-athletic build. Often also being naïve, and cute, with nothing upstairs. The gay equivalent of chick._ ” Jonas pointed his phone at Isak, “That’s literally you.”

Isak blushed and swatted at his arm, “Shut up! No, it's not!”

“Gimme!” Magnus extended his arm, palm facing upwards. Jonas passed his phone to him. Magnus fooled around a bit before an evil grin took over his whole face. Isak truly wanted to smash it. “Listen to this one, guys!”

“Who wants ice cream?” Isak shouted, raising himself up on his knees a bit. He was hoping that it would distract them long enough to make them forget about the whole twink thing. But when Mahdi hushed him, effectively shutting him up, he sat right back down.

Magnus cleared his throat, “ _Literally, this is a young, androgynous-looking boy who enjoys being sexually dominated by older/stronger men_.” He waggled his eyebrows at Isak, who was praying for the ground to open up and swallow him whole, as Jonas and Mahdi cheered and wolf whistled, telling Isak to get it. “ _Sarcastically, it is a small, possibly effeminate or non-confrontational male friend._ Well. You aren't exactly small and can be a real bitch sometimes but, yeah. Details.” He waved a hand in the air as if to dismiss it.

“Yeah, bro. That seems to fit you perfectly.” Mahdi joked, smiling.

“See, that's why I said Charlie Hunnam. Older and stronger”, Magnus explained proudly. Enjoying not being the butt of the jokes for once. Isak was going to get back at him at some point in the future.

Jonas shook his head, “Nah, man. I think Isak’s type is more 'tall and slender' than 'strong and muscular'."

Isak froze in his spot, his eye wide with bewilderment. He knew, realistically, that many people in Norway could fit into the tall and slender description perfectly, but coming from Jonas, it felt like he was trying to imply something.

Did he really suspect anything or was Isak being his paranoid self again? Probably the former, knowing Jonas. Isak cursed his ability to read him like an open book.

“Like Even?” Magnus suggested suddenly out of nowhere. Isak could feel all the blood draining from his face.

Jonas nodded, throwing Isak a knowing look and confirming his suspicions at the same time.

“Nope!” Isak denied, shaking his head. “Even is absolutely, definitely not my type. Like at all. I mean… I like tall people but Even is too tall for me. Also too erm… lean? What's the point of being tall if you don’t have lots of muscles, right?” He finished with a laugh that sound forced even to his own ears. Damn him and his inability to act cool while telling a lie.

“Alright, we get it. You don’t like him", Mahdi said. "Chill.”

“He is out of your league anyway”, Magnus commented. Isak rolled his eyes at him. “Talking about the league, did you guys watch El Clasico the other day?”

And with that, the conversation shifted from IsakandEven to football. Isak sighed, biting inside of his lip in relief. His shoulders dropped and his whole body relaxed with it. He hadn’t realised how tense he’d gotten.

He could still feel Jonas’ gaze on the side of his face but didn't dare to look at him. He would tell him about his small crush on Even eventually. He definitely would. Not now but in like… ten years or something. When he got over Even and looked back at those times with nothing but fondness.

Yeah. That was when he was going to tell him.

*

Things had started to get gradually better couple of days after the night with the boys.

Even was spending more and more time out of his room. Even if he didn't talked as much and preferred to draw at the kitchen table in silence instead, Isak was still happy to see him doing better.

And when Isak came home from work one evening to find a red velvet cake from his favourite bakery on their kitchen counter with a small "Thank you" note in Even's hand writing, he had almost cried in relief. Because acccording to Even, it was a huge step for him towards the recovery to leave the safety of his own house after a depressive episode.

Even decided to join Isak later in that evening and offered to watch the remaining episodes of Borgen. Isak, too happy with the newest development, scooted over to make Even space on the couch immediately.

They spent the whole night side by side, watching TV and eating the cake Even'd gotten for him. Isak even managed to make him laugh with his poor attempts at trying to pronounce the characters' names correctly. (Honestly fuck Danish. It was near damn impossible to do so without hurting his throat). 

Overall, it was a very good night, and seeing Even like that put Isak in an undeniably good mood.

So when he woke up a bit earlier than he usually did, he decided to make breakfast for both of them. (He was getting better at those things, alright. He just needed to practice.) 

He got up and out of the bed. He washed his face and brushed his teeth before heading to Even's to wake him up and ask him what he would like for breakfast.

He knocked at his door couple of times. But no answer. 

He knocked again and called Even’s name. Still silence.

Isak stood there momentarily frozen. His mind started to run a mile and created ridiculous scenarios that he tried to avoid. Because it wasn't like Even to get out of the bed before eight unless it was an emergency. And no... that definitely wasn't a road Isak wanted to go down right now.

He sighed, shaking his head to get rid of his intrusive thoughts, and turned right around to head back to the kitchen when he collapsed into something.

That something being Even’s chest. His very solid, very naked and very sweaty chest.

“Umm”, he said when he was finally able to drag his eyes away from it. “Hi?”

“Good morning”, Even said with a hint of smile on his face. His eyes were all bright, shining with something he could only describe as amusement, and maybe a little bit smugness as well, and Isak wanted to die for many reasons.

The biggest one being Even's chest. Which was right in front of him. All hard planes and glistening and maybe a bit too broad for his small waist...

And like... if Isak wanted to, he could just reach out and wipe a droplet of sweat off with his thumb. Not that he would ever dare but- yeah... Even was that close.

“I, um... I was going to some make breakfast and erm..." Isak trailed off. Because how did you form a proper sentence when your crush stood right in front of you looking unfairly gorgeous at eight in the morning.

And why did he smell so damn good? It took all his willpower to not breath deeply through his nose. 

He flushed and ducked his head when he realised that Even was standing there, probably waiting for Isak to finish his sentence so that he could go on his own way. "Would you, like...maybe want some?", he croaked out, finally looking up.

“Oh”, Even said, looking apologetic. “I ate before I hit the gym. But...rain check?"

“Wait..." Isak said frowning after he processed what Even had just said. "Since when do you go to the gym?”

He really, honestly didn't mean to sound so accusatory but... what the hell? Even wasn't the type to work out. At least, that was what Isak thought. Because when Isak once asked Even to join his workout sessions with the boys (Isak loved not feeling like he was about to throw his lungs out every time he finished climbing the stairs), he had refused and said it wasn't for him.

Came to think of it, there was a gym bag laying on the floor between their feet. Isak didn't even know Even owned one.

Even slided his hands into the pockets of his basketball shorts and shrugged. The movement exposed the waisband of his briefs a bit. Isak averted his eyes immediately. “Mutta has the actual membership," Even started to explain. "I'm sort of borrowing it until he comes back from his family trip. It would be a waste of money if I didn't, you know.”

“Yeah", Isak agreed. "Makes sense”, he bit his lower lip, his throat suddenly dry as they stood there in silence for what felt like an eternity, Even looking at Isak and Isak not knowing where to look, before he broke the silence. “Erm, you probably want to wash up, right?”

God, why did everything feel so weird suddenly? He thought he was doing a very very good job at playing the concerned roommate/friend who absolutely, definitely wasn't falling more and more in love with Even each passing day.

Even, bless him, didn’t comment on his blatant awkwardness and nodded. “Yeah, I better”, he smiled and wrinkled his nose in disgust, “I probably smell really awful.”

And at that exact moment, Isak hated his biology for making him attracted to the things that he normally wouldn't be if he wasn't so infatuated.

Because he almost told Even that he didn’t have to wash; that he actually didn't mind the smell. Which was wrong on so many levels. Because the sweat was sticky and gross and disgusting and Isak shouldn't be wanting to wrap his arms around Even’s middle and bury his face into his armpit when he couldn't even stand the smell of his own.

“Sure, yeah”, Isak said, finally moving out of the way so Even could pass through.

He would’ve high fived himself if he could for not losing his shit when Even walked past him, brushing their shoulders as he went.

And honestly, why did the boys have to have such attractive backs? They already had those big hands with long, strong fingers and forearms that made Isak weak at knees.

Life was so fucking unfair sometimes.

He waited until Even disappeared out of his sight before he escaped to his own room and flung himself dramatically onto his bed. He didn't scream in frustration but it was a near thing.

He pulled his phone out under his pillow and opened his chat with Chris. She was the only one who was aware of his crush on Even. Because she was the one who found him crying in a bathroom after seeing Even and Sonja together. 

He rolled onto his back and started typing.

****

**Isak:** Just a heads up I’m sending anonymous hate to Mutta on tumblr.

 **Chris:** Please don't! You know how sensitive he is underneath all those muscles.

 **Isak:** He gave his gym membership to Even!

 **Chris:** Oh

 **Isak:** Yeah

 **Chris:** So Even came home all sweaty and disgusting and you loved every second of it didn't you

 **Isak:** YES HE DID and YES I DID

SO FUCKING MUCH CHRIS I’M DYING

God I just want to r*** his d*** and b*** my f*** into his a***** at the same time!

 **Chris:** You just want to ride his dick and bury your face into his armpit at the same time?

 **Isak:** Yes 

Wth is wrong with me

 **Chris:** Pheromones 

**Isak:** UGH keep them I don't want them!

 **Chris:** Well as the wiser one in this friendship I have one simple solution for all your troubles

Albeit a temporary one but still...

 **Isak:** What is it?

 **Chris:** Just grab the shirt he wore to the gym and put Dallas to good use.

Won't be the same as the real thing but still…

Issy does Dallas haha :D

 **Isak:** No Chris absolutely not!

 **Chris:** Why not? 

You and Dallas are well acquainted now

 **Isak:** How do you know about that?!

 **Chris:** You’ve mellowed out. Everyone's noticed.

 **Isak:** No I haven't!

 **Chris:** Yes you have!

No need to be shy about using it that's why we gifted it to you!

 **Isak:** I hate you. I hate all of you. We aren't friends anymore.

 **Chris:** Whatever you say little bud  <3 

**Isak:** Also I only said no to the shirt thing.

That's just pathetic.

 **Chris:** Friendships should be built on trust and honesty so it's my duty to inform you that your crush on Even is indeed very Pathetic.

 **Isak:** Wow a capital “p”, huh?

Thanks Chrissy

 **Chris:** Anytime baby ;) <3

 **Isak:** I’ll be going now since you're useless

 **Chris:** Alright. 

Give Dallas my best regards!

 **Isak:** Shut up Chris oh my god

He typed out and exited the chat. And when he heard three short raps at his door, he squeaked and almost dropped his phone onto his face. 

He sat up on the bed and fixed his clothes, trying to act casual while his heart was pounding against his rib cage like crazy, before telling Even to come in.

He honestly needed to fucking chill.

The door was opened to reveal a fresh out of the shower (damp hair and flushed cheeks) Even. Who was casually leaning against the door frame, one arm propped against it.

His triceps looked way too shapely and amazing from under his rolled up sleeves for someone who had only been going to the gym for couple of days.

Or maybe Isak had been too preoccupied with Even’s face and hands to ever notice them.

He was honestly considering taking Chris' ridiculous advice.

Isak gulped. “Yes?” he hoped his voice sounded less breathless than it did to his own ears.

Even cleared his throat, “I need to take my drawings to the office for colouring. Will probably be back around six. I thought I would buy something for us to eat as well. Do you want anything in particular?”

God why does he have to be always so adorably considerate? 

“Um… fried rice?” Isak suggested, “Maybe some dim sims as well. If it's not too much trouble, of course?”

Even smiled and Isak wished his heart didn't give that painful tug every time he saw it. He should be getting used to it by now. “Never a trouble, Isak”, he said earnestly. He then straightened up his posture and checked his watch. “I really should be going before my editor kicks my ass."

“Alright, then. Um… have fun?” Isak waved and grimaced. He felt so out of place and disorientated today. While he had never been able to keep his cool around Even, at least he had tried his best. He just hoped that he could regain some of his composure at some point before Even came back from work.

Fingers crossed.

Even frowned, looking half confused and half amused. “See you tonight!” He said and saluted him before taking off.

A salute was what Isak should have done as well. 

He closed his eyes collapsed back onto the bed.

“Fuck my life", he muttered to himself before giving up and begrudgingly reaching for his bedside table to grab Dallas and some lube. 

Might as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow. It may not be much for some, but as a new writer, I'm overwhelmed by the response. So thank you all kind souls who left kudos and comments on the first chapter. It honestly means a lot <3
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this one as well.
> 
> Again, all grammar errors are mine.

Isak was very stupid, and also very naive to ever think that once Mutta came back from his trip, Even would stop being so… physically active.

But no.

Even, bless his pure soul, decided that he would very much like to continue working on improving his body strength and signed up for a gym membership.

For himself.

For an indefinite period of time.

Isak knew he was being a selfish bastard, but when Even told him, he had tried to get Even to change his mind by hinting that maybe it would be too expensive. Which didn't work. Because, apparently, there was that little thing called “friend discount”, and who didn’t love discounts right? Even more reason to join!

Yay.

Then Even voiced his worries about it being too time consuming and raised Isak's hopes back up. He had to draw and colour two pages worth of comics all by himself every single week. It was a struggle enough without the whole gym thing.

After pondering for awhile, Even shrugged and said that he would be going to the gym only in the mornings. He quite liked the way working out calmed him down and helped him keep his mind empty. It also brought his life stability, and that was something Even didn't want to give up on no matter what. 

And Isak couldn't really fault him for wanting to maintain that, could he?

(“How do you do it?” Isak asked one evening.

“Do what?” 

“Working out when it’s still dark outside. I would be found asleep on one of the yoga mats.”

Even laughed before answering, “Knife Party.”

“What?” Isak frowned.

Even fondly rolled his eyes. “It’s an EDM duo from Australia. Their music wakes me up immediately. You should give them a try.”

Isak wrinkled his nose in disgust at the mention of EDM. “No, thanks.”

“Seriously, you should. You will hate them at first, but then warm up to them in no time”, he said. “Leave your prejudices behind and listen to their track ‘Bonfire’.”

Isak really hated when Even was right.)

In the end, everything seemed to be going fine. For Even only. 

Because Isak was now the most frustrated he had ever been in his entire life.

Oh, also let's not forget about how Even kept forgetting his lunch at home in his haste to get his ass out of the house (He took his lunch bag out of the fridge the first thing in the morning, so that he wouldn’t forget it, but then managed to do just so), and texting Isak to ask if he could, _please_ , bring it to the gym?

Where he worked out and get all sweaty with his friends.

Where Isak had to watch Even actually do just _that_ for some period of time until Even acknowledged his presence.

If Isak didn't know him well, he would think that Even was doing it on purpose. Just to test Isak’s limits on how much torture he could endure.

*

Isak had a day off both from the school and the kindergarten. It was a very rare occasion, so he was planning on spending it by catching up with Rupaul’s Drag Race and not moving a single muscle until he absolutely had to. Which wasn't very adult like, but let's face it, Isak was only an adult when it suited him.

And today, he decided that he was going to channel his 17 years old lazy teenager self again. Except without the part where he pretended to like girls because… no.

So, he went to the kitchen to grab some cookies and tea for breakfast. He filled up the kettle and put it on first. He was about to reach for his favourite mug by the sink when he saw Even’s lunch bag resting peacefully on top of the counter.

Again.

He slammed his hands down on the granite surface and let out a groan when he realised that his whole morning plan was about to go down the drain.

Because Isak knew himself. He knew very well that he was going to be dragging his sorry bum to the gym in the end. His heart just wouldn't be able to stand the thought of Even wondering around all hungry and dejected without his home cooked lunch.

He sighed, saying goodbye to his tea, and returned back to his room to put his jeans and jacket on. Then he grabbed the bag along with some cookies (listen, he wasn't about to give up on that) and headed out.

Thankfully, the gym was two tram stops away so he could quickly get that out of the way and continue his day.

He got off the tram and entered the facility with quick steps. He nodded his greetings to the guys at the reception (they were used to seeing him with a brown paper bag at least twice a week by now) and walked straight into the room where he knew Even would be working out.

Even was on the treadmill when Isak entered. Which was the safest option for Isak’s fragile heart. He could have been lifting things… or people. Even though Isak was no stranger to horseplay, guys love lifting each other up for some strange reason, seeing his crush doing it have a different effect on his entire being. Like getting an inappropriate boner and having a heart attack right after.

Even was both chatting with Mikael, who was standing in front of him with his back to Isak, and running at the same time. When he saw Isak waiting at the doorway, he did a double take before giving him a surprised smile and gradually slowed his pace down until he came to a halt. He jumped off the treadmill and made his way over to Isak.

“Hi!” he smiled. And for a brief moment, Isak thought Even was going in for a hug. He couldn't tell if he was relieved or disappointed when Even realised how sweaty he was and held himself back at the last minute. “What are you doing here?” he asked instead.

Isak lifted the bag up to his eye level and gave it a shake. “Your lunch. Which you forgot. Again.”

“Oh”, Even took the bag from him, looking apologetic. “Sorry, this keeps happening all the time.”

He didn’t even notice Mikael standing right beside them until he heard him snort and say, “I wonder why.” He then pushed Even aside a bit to give Isak a one armed hug, which Isak returned.

“How’s things, man? I never see you anymore!” Mikael joked as he pulled back from the hug.

“I knooow. It's been such a long time, hasn't it?”

Even groaned beside them. His cheeks were pink with something other than exertion. “Shut it, you two!”

“What?” Mikael asked with wide, innocent eyes. “Two days is a long time.”

“A very long time, if you ask me”, Isak shot back, biting his lips to contain his smile.

See, that was why he liked Mikael. It was nice to finally being able to tease Even. Which was something Isak normally couldn't quite manage without a buffer.

Stupid fucking crushes.

Even rolled his eyes at them. “Whatever.”

“Oh, don't be a grump!” Mikael punched Even’s shoulder lightly. “I would've been deprived of Isak’s pretty face without your constant forgetting.”

“You have my number”, Isak said, playfully batting his eyelashes at him.

Suddenly, Even stepped in between them, breaking their eye contact and forcing Mikael to take a couple of steps back.

“Oh my god, dude”, Mikael said laughing. “What the fuck?”

Isak, too stunned to do anything, just watched the whole scene playing out with wide, confused eyes.

Even sniffed and then shrugged, “I just don't want my roommate and my best friend to date”, he explained, making a face at the word “date”.

Wait, what?

“It would complicate things”, Even reasoned.

It was Mikael who rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh that time, “Pretty sure I’m far from Isak’s type”, he then winked at Isak. “Right?”

Isak felt the panic rising inside of him. Was he being that obvious again? Was his crush on Even something they had been talking about behind his back?

God. Why did that keep happening?

“Yeah”, Isak said, trying to play it cool and not to flush because that was a dead giveaway for him, while he wracked his brain trying to find someone that didn't resemble of Even at all. “You look nothing like Charlie Hunnam.”

Thank you, Magnus. Honestly.

Mikael frowned, his eyes flitting from Isak to Even briefly. “The dude from Pacific Rim?”

Even nodded, “That’s who Isak fancies apparently”, he said with a smile that seemed a little bit tight around the eyes. Like it was forced. But that was probably just Isak’s imagination.

“He’s well ripped”, Mikael commented. Isak nodded his agreement when in reality he couldn't give a single fuck about him. His type was standing right in front of him. All in his grey muscle tank glory. So close yet so far away.

He watched as Mikael gave Even a look that Isak wasn't equipped to understand, while Even shrugged and looked down at a random spot on the dirty gym carpet.

Fucking best mates.

The moment was broken by Mikael who suddenly started cackling. The noise was so loud it made the old man, who's skin looked suspiciously smooth and shiny for his age, jump and pull one of his earbuds out. Isak gave him an apologetic smile before looking back at Mikael who looked like everything finally clicked into place. “Oh, this shit is brilliant!”

Isak frowned in confusion as Even nudged Mikael with his elbow to shut him up. “What is?” Isak asked.

“Nothing”, Mikael shook his head, he was still giggling. “Absolutely nothing.”

“As always, Mikael is being his idiot self again”, Even said, glaring daggers at Mikael. “Pay him no mind.”

“I am the idiot, huh?” Mikael turned to Isak, “Ask him why he-”, but before he could finish, Even grabbed him by his arms and turned him towards the general direction of the changing rooms.

“Stop being so nosy and go change. You’re going to be late again!” Even said, giving him a little push on the back.

“Oh, right!” Mikael said as he started to walk away. “Gonna have to sit through another lecture on how I shouldn't be so candid about my religious beliefs again”, he explained over his shoulder and shrugged like it was nothing. Like it was something that happened everyday. It probably was.

He bade them goodbye and disappeared out of their sight.

Now Isak was standing alone with Even. He took a deep, calming breath and told himself _Don't make it awkward, don't get a boner, don't make it awkward…_

He believed that if he repeated it enough times, he would be able to achieve it.

Then Even smiled at him and lifted the hem of his tank to wipe the sweat off his face, effectively throwing Isak’s nonexistent chill out the window at the same time. “Thank you again. I really appreciate it.”

Isak waved it away, “It's nothing. Can't have you starving now, can we? You’re already so skinny”, he joked and tapped Even’s -now covered, thank god- stomach.

Even’s smile dimmed a bit. “I’m not as skinny, though, am I? I’ve gained a lot of muscles”, he flexed his arm in emphasis.

Jesus fuck.

Isak’d been trying so hard to ignore them.

“Yeah, well", he coughed and looked away, trying so hard to come off as unaffected as possible. "Good job?" He offered.

When Isak looked back at him, Even was frowning down at him with a slight smirk on his face like he found Isak's awkwardness amusing. Isak probably would too, if it wasn't, you know, his own.

"Not Charlie Hunnam level yet, huh?" Even asked, smile stretching wider as he bit his bottom lip.

Isak rolled his eyes, "Achievable goals, Even." 

"You don't think I can?" Even raised a challenging eyebrow. 

"I think you can do anything you set your mind to", slipped right out of Isak’s mouth before he could stop himself. Isak, too embarrassed by his sudden confession, ducked his head to hide his reddened cheeks. 

He missed the way Even's mouth slightly dropped open and his eyes widened in surprise.

Even though Isak didn’t mean to say it out loud, it was probably the only sincere thing that came out of his mouth for awhile. Because it wasn’t a cheap line he would be using during a rousing pep talk he actually half meant. Even was really, truly one of the strongest people he had ever seen and the fact that Even refused to acknowledge it broke Isak's heart. 

Even still believed that he wasn't good enough for most of the things. He still thought that he'd gotten the job at the magazine by some miracle, not because he was so fucking talented, creative and hardworking. Like he didn’t get a call back right after he submitted some of his artworks. 

He felt horrible every time he had to take couple of days off from the work because his mental health required so. He thought he didn't deserve that kind of luxury; felt like he was taking advantage of their kindness. Isak wished, more than anything, that he could show Even just how brilliant he truly was and how every good thing that came his way was very well deserved.

"Um…” Isak said, trying to pull himself together. His cheeks still felt too hot for his liking. “I have to go. Lots of things to do... TV shows to catch up with."

Even nodded, expression slipping into something close to awestruck. Isak wondered if he also had a hard time finding the right words at that exact moment. He probably would, if he felt the way Isak did. But he didn't. So. 

He also wondered if Even noticed the way the air between them shifted and filled with tension. Probably not. Because that confession was the closest Isak had gotten towards admitting his feelings. It was him saying _I love you. I believe in you. Fuck anybody else who made you think that you were less than enough._ Whereas for Even, they were just some reassuring words from a friend who had his back.

"You do that," Even said finally.

“Right”, Isak finished with a nod. “See you at home then!”

"See you, Isak." 

With that Isak turned around and darted out of the building without looking back. 

Awkward Isak struck again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like my boy Charlie deserves his own tag. But he isn't getting one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all sooooo much once again for your lovely comments and kudos. They made my insecure heart very very happy <3

Isak had long given up on the assignment he was currently working on. There was no point in denying that he wasn't being productive. Not when the cursor on the document’s page was blinking mockingly at him. Reminding him that there were supposed to be more words coming behind it and filling the page. 

Several thousand of them, if Isak had to be specific.

To Isak’s defence, it was very hard, pun very much intended, to focus on the school work when he had a 194 centimetres tall giant doing push ups right in front of him. Maybe he could give that as an excuse to his lecturer when he requested an extension.

_Hey, my crush has been pushing himself up and down with his arms on my living room floor while letting out the most obscene noises which made me want to sit on his dick and die. I was unable to compose one meaningful sentence since all the blood cells that carried my oxygen went down south. Please give me another week. Thank you._

A perfectly valid excuse, right? 

Thankfully, after what felt like an eternity, Even pushed himself to his feet, stretched and went to the kitchen to grab himself a drink. Giving Isak an opportunity to calm himself down.

When Even came back with an almost empty bottle of water, Isak'd thought "That's it. He's finally done". But Even just put it down on the floor before he started doing squats. And that was when Isak decided that he couldn't take it anymore. “You’re going to strain something”, he blurted out. What he actually wanted to say was “Please stop I’m about to die”.

Even settled back on his haunches and considered Isak a bit before saying, “I’m fine.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Right now, yes. As for the future, I’m not so sure.”

Even’s mouth dropped open in mock offence, like he couldn't believe Isak was doubting him like that. “I’m a big boy, Isak. I don’t know about yours but my body can handle it”.

“I can very well handle it, Even. I’ll have you know that I’m very strong”, Isak argued.

“Debatable”, Even shot back. 

Isak gasped. “Excuse you!”

“Well, I’ve never seen you actually lift anything other than your backpack”, he cocked his head to side, his eyes narrowing to slits. “Can you even lift?”

And… that was it. Even had filled his daily teasing quota. Isak had to show him. Had to prove him wrong. So he jump to his feet. “Get up”, he said.

“What?” Even looked up at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I’m gonna lift you”, Isak exclaimed proudly. 

Even, the bastard, started laughing. “Yeah, right.” But he sobered up when he realised how serious Isak was actually being. “How are you actually gonna do that?” He asked with a confused frown on his face.

Isak rolled his eyes again. “Get up and you’ll find out.”

“Okay”, Even obeyed. He still looked far too amused for Isak's liking. He opened his arms wide as if he was offering a hug. “All yours.”

Isak flushed again and cleared his throat. Right. He got this. He had lifted Magnus once. He could do this. 

He could.

He went behind Even and crouched until his head was between Even’s -very very long- legs. He grabbed Even’s thighs to make sure Even wouldn't slip and fall over his shoulder. 

“What the fu-”, but before Even could finish, Isak took a deep breath and slowly got up.

“Oh my god!” Even squeaked. 

“See”, Isak said. He was a bit out of breath with the exertion. Which was to be expected when you had a grown ass man sitting on your shoulders. It wasn't too bad though, since Even wasn't as bulky as Magnus.

“Can you move?” Even asked after a second, sounding way too delighted.

Isak managed to take a few steps towards the kitchen before Even had to stop him. “Stop. Stop! Put me down! I’m gonna hit my head.” 

And Isak did. 

After making sure that Even’s feet were planted securely on the floor, Isak raised himself back to his feet, his back to Even, and pushed his slightly damp curls out of his face. He then turned to look at Even, expression all smug.

Even didn’t say anything at first, content with just staring at him for a long moment. Isak was trying his best to not squirm under his gaze. His confidence was melting away and he felt more and more exposed with each passing second. 

“Wow”, Even finally breathed out. “You never fail to amaze me.”

And Isak didn't blushed, alright, it was just the heavy lifting. He tipped his chin up to play it cool. Like he wasn’t affected by any of that. And he shouldn’t be, because Even was just being sarcastic. Isak wasn’t the type to amaze beautiful boys with the things he did.

“Told you, didn’t I? I’m the master of lifting people up. No one can do it like me!”

Even hummed and tapped at his chin with his finger in a thoughtful gesture. “That, I’m still not sure about.”

Outraged, Isak gasped again. “Are you still doubting me? After everything I went through to prove myself?”

Even shrugged. “That’s the easiest way to lift things without using too much strength and you know it. That’s how they lift flour sacks up at the bakeries, for example.”

Isak rolled his eyes once again. Honestly, his eyes were going to be stuck like that one day. “Went to the gym for two days and now you're an expert, huh? Good to know.”

“Of course I am.”

“Alright, smartass. What’s the Even Approved way then?” he asked and watched as Even’s eyes started to shine with mirth. Then there was his infamous eyebrow raise and smirk combo again. Isak didn't know whether he wanted to strangle him or kiss the shit out of him when he did that.

Right now though, he wanted to take that back. He wanted to run and hide, because that couldn’t be good. He felt like he walked straight into a trap, even though he wasn’t sure what that trap was.

He didn’t have to wonder for too long because Even made a sudden grab for him. His arms were too long for Isak to dodge them and he quickly managed to get one arm around Isak’s waist and the other under his knees. And before Isak could tell what was happening, he was presented with a perfect view of the cracks on their ceiling. 

It all finally dawned on him when he’d gotten over the initial shock: Even lifted him off the floor and was carrying him bridal style. 

Fucking hell.

He flushed when he realised that he automatically had wrapped an arm around Even’s neck. He wanted to pull it back and cradle it to his chest so that it wouldn’t be moving on its own accord ever again; proving how eager he was for Even.

“What… what are you doing?” he gulped, pointing his gaze at Even’s chest. Between his face and his arms, it was the safest option for Isak.

He both saw and felt Even shrug. 

He was carrying Isak in his arms and shrugging like it was nothing. Isak was going to pass out for real.

“Had to show you, didn’t I?” he adjusted his hold on Isak, pulling him closer towards his body and nudging him higher up in his arms in the process. “You asked for it.”

“Umm…”, Isak said. Why did he have to sound so fragile, goddammit. He wasn’t a damsel who finally met her prince charming. “Put me down.”

Even chuckled. The sound pierced through his skin and reverberated around his bones. Isak had to suppress a shiver. “Why? I think this is nice.” 

He sounded genuine too. Like he really wouldn’t mind carrying Isak in his arms all day. But Isak knew better. He knew that he needed to put an end to it for his own sanity. 

Thankfully, his phone started to buzz on the table with incoming texts. “I have to answer that”, he lied, squirming until Even had no choice but to do as Isak said.

He managed to grab his phone without bumping into anything. Which was honestly a miracle with the way he literally flung himself across the room, trying to get as far away from Even as possible. As quickly as possible.

He slid into a chair and open the texts, groaning when he saw they were all from Julian. A dude who had been stalking him on all social media platforms. Including his friends.

"Who's that?' Even asked, curious. Apparating behind Isak and grabbing the back of his chair with both hands. Clearly not understanding Isak's need for space. He had forgotten how dense Even could be sometimes.

"Just a dude called Julian", he didn't whine but it was a close thing. They had met at _that_ party all those months ago and Julian had been trying to get Isak to go out with him ever since.

Even sat down on the chair beside him. When Isak looked at him, he was chewing his bottom lip with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Bad at taking a hint, huh?"

Isak sighed and shifted in his seat, "Yeah". It was slightly uncomfortable to talk about that with Even. 

"Is he from the uni?"

"No", Isak shook his head. "We met at a party". He didn't want to specify which party. He didn't have the fondest memories of it, if he was honest. For good reasons as well.

"Oh", Even said. "Is there a reason why...um... why you don't want him?"

_Because I only want you._

He shrugged and then wrinkled his nose. "He wore a suit to a house party. And was a bit too touchy feely for me to be comfortable... I don't know."

He watched as something like realisation took over Even's face. His eyes went wide in surprise. "Wait", he said. "Was that the party we went together?"

Isak nodded. Even opened and closed his mouth like a fish without saying anything. Then he shook his head, as if he was trying to snap himself out of something. He suddenly mumbled something about _helping Elias out with his channel_ and darted out of the house. Slamming the door shut behind him. 

Frowning, Isak stared at the spot where he'd just disappeared, not really knowing what caused that kind of reaction.

At least he wasn't the awkward one for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it a proper SKAM fic without Julian Dahl pining for Isak? No, it's not.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my... thank you all once again for comments and kudos. You guys have been so lovely and kind to me.
> 
> I don't know if anyone cares about this but I've been ridiculously busy, so I hope you guys enjoy this late update!

Isak was great with kids. It was like he had this ability to make them fall in love with him instantly. It had been like that even when he was a little kid himself. He remembered the way his mother’s friends used to come to their house without having to worry about how to keep their children happy and entertained, because they knew that Isak would be there. 

That was one of the reasons why Isak chose to work at a kindergarten. He wanted a job where he believed he could be helpful and efficient, and looking after the little ones whenever their parents were busy was something he found easy. He didn’t have to put a lot of effort into his job, because it all sort of came naturally to him. Of course there were the times when his kids collectively decided to make his job as difficult as possible, when he wanted to rip his hair out, but those moments usually didn’t last long. 

Isak genuinely enjoyed spending time with his kids, even when all they did was to use him as the main transportation vehicle of the day. They were funny, creative and clever and he loved them all so much. But, he had to admit, even he had his favourites. It was impossible not to, he supposed, and Trine and Mikkel (who were also twins) had a special place in his heart.

Maybe it was because their parents always picked them up at least an hour later than they were supposed to. And maybe, it reminded Isak of his loneliest times: aka his own childhood.

Those times when his mother was too tired, too sad and too scared to get out of the bed, and his father always had something more important than Isak to take care of. He remembered the way his teachers used to wait impatiently beside him with a phone glued to their ears. Tapping their foot on the floor and calling his parents constantly. Frustrated when they failed to get an answer. 

He remembered how unimportant and unwanted he felt. Remembered how much he wanted to disappear because he obviously was such a chore for everyone in his life.

So, yeah, he could empathise with those two kids greatly and didn’t mind accompanying them until one of their parents arrived.

It was one of those days again. Their mother, Lise, had called the kindergarten to kindly inform them that she was going to be running late again. So Isak volunteered to stay behind with Trine and Mikkel. 

They were at the kindergarten's playground. Mikkel was on monkey bars, swinging back and forth with a practised ease, and Trine was making sand castles. Isak was watching them from his place on a bench with a cup of coffee, which he had managed to grab before Trine dragged him out, in one hand and his phone in the other.

He had been liking the pictures Chris posted from her Switzerland trip with Mutta on Instagram, when Mikkel suddenly announced that he was bored and wanted to play the Knight, the Prince and the Dragon. Trine jumped to her feet in excitement, dusting the sand of her trousers.

“Alright”, Isak agreed, throwing his cup into the bin before getting up and going over to where Mikkel and Trine was now standing beside the slides. “So... who wants to be the Dragon?”

“Me!” Trine raised her both hands, “It is my turn now.”

When Mikkel let out a defeated noise, Isak turned to him with a fond look on his face. “Not happy with that, Mikkel?”

Mikkel pouted, “It’s just… I really wanted to be the Dragon.”

“But you were the Dragon last time. Now it’s Trine’s turn”, Isak tried to explain.

“But the Knight is so boring!” Mikkel said, still pouting.

“You can still be the Prince”, Isak offered hopefully. He loved those kids but they could be so stubborn sometimes. 

Mikkel’s pout vanished, and was now replaced by a betrayed look on his face, “But you’re the Prince, Isak.”

“Yes, Isak, you’re always the Prince”, Trine nodded. “You have the floofy hair.”

Isak took that as a compliment. “I’m sorry, but if I'm the Prince, then Mikkel has to be the Knight.”

Mikkel hanged his head dejectedly (he could be really dramatic when he wanted to be) and seemed to be considering something before he snapped his head back up. “I can be the Warlock instead!” he exclaimed. 

Trine gasped, completely amazed by her brother’s creativity. “The Warlock who helps the Dragon to kidnap the Prince!” 

“Wait… Wait”, Isak interrupted. “It all sounds really brilliant. Honestly, it does. But then who will be the Knight?”

“I can be”, said a voice behind Isak. A voice Isak knew so very well.

“Even!” Mikkel and Trine both yelled and run past Isak to Even’s side to wrap their tiny arms around his legs.

“Hey, kiddos!” Even greeted them back just as excitedly. He was already pulling them closer with an arm around their shoulders with the most genuine smile on his perfect face when Isak turned to look at him.

And that was exactly why Isak sometimes hated Even. 

Because he somehow managed to carve his way into both Isak’s heart and every aspect of his life to a point where Isak now had no escape from him, no room to breath. He hated how good and gentle Even was with his kids, and how he probably was the only person they loved more than Isak. He hated how he actually, secretly, loved all of it. 

“Hi”, he settled on saying when Even raised his head to catch Isak’s eyes.

“Hello”, Even murmured in that voice of his. 

And honestly, life was so unfair because of how much his voice affected Isak; how easily he could imagine the way it would be sounding under different circumstances, saying things which Isak shouldn’t be dying to hear. 

“Can he, Isak, please?” Trine asked and how could Isak say no to that face?

“Sure”, he shrugged, trying to come off as nonchalant as possible (as if he wasn’t about to faint at the thought of Even being his knight in shining armor) and all three of them cheered.

That was how he found himself sitting on top of the slides, wearing a tiara which Mikkel so very kindly fetched from the playroom for him and waiting to be rescued by Even. He watched, with barely concealed fondness and amazement, as Even tried to tire them out so he could save Isak. 

About half an hour later, Even grabbed a tired looking Mikkel and playfully wrestled him to the ground. And before he could stand up straight, Trine jumped to his back in a futile attempt to rescue her brother. But Even gripped her legs and spun them around before gently laying her down on top of her defeated brother as well. He then patted Trine’s head in consolation before looking up and meeting Isak’s gaze. 

He had that look in his eyes again. That intense one which had shivers run down Isak’s spine and made his stomach tighten pleasantly, even though he knew very well that nothing would come out of it. He then started to slowly, very slowly, make his way to Isak without even blinking. And Isak wanted to look away; to break that intense staring contest. But it was as if he was under Even’s spell. As if he was rooted on the spot and lost all his ability to do anything but wait for Even to come to him.

When Even stopped right in front of him and offered his hand for Isak to take, it felt like they were the only two people on earth. Everything else was like a background noise, like a TV one didn’t switch off as they drifted into sleep. Comfortable and reassuring but insignificant at that particular moment.

So he grabbed Even’s hand.

Isak tried, and failed, not to trip as he climbed down the stairs that were made for children, therefore too small for his giant feet. And Even was there, of course he was, to steady him with an arm around his waist.

Now Isak was about to collapse on the floor for an entirely different reason. 

Because Even was close, too close, for Isak to get his breathing under control. If he tipped his chin up, he could brush his mouth over Even’s and wasn't that a wonderful thought?

And apparently, all those visits to the gym had been paying off because, as Isak observed, Even didn’t even break a sweat, like he could carry them around all day. Isak would’ve been laying on the floor with the twins by now.

“Aren't you going to give him a kiss, Isak?” Mikkel interrupted them suddenly, causing them both to jump apart as if they touched a live wire. Though, still too close for Isak to function like a proper human being.

Isak flushed, his heart threatening to burst out of his rib cage. He couldn't believe he’d forgotten that they had an audience.

“What? No. Why?” he asked, hoping he didn't sound as hysterical as he felt.

Mikkel shrugged, “That’s what usually happens in the books that you read us.”

“He saved you from the evils”, Trine added. “It’s only polite.”

“Nope”, Isak exhaled, shaking his head. “Definitely not happening!”

He would be checking the way Even was reacting to all of this, only if he could stop his face from flushing red like an ingenue and giving away all the secrets he’d been trying his very best to hide.

“Why not?” Mikkel seemed genuinely confused. Like something wasn't adding up. “Aren't you boyfriends?”

And… what?

Isak took a deep breath to calm his racing heart down. “No, we are not boyfriends, Mikkel.”

“Not yet”, Trine murmured and they both giggled, looking way too perky.

Well, Isak now had to find new favourites.

He was standing there gaping at them when Even nudged him with his elbow to get his attention. “Don’t I really deserve a proper thanks for saving your bum though?”

Isak blinked at him stupidly before shaking his head, “I...yeah. Sorry. Thank you!”

Even made a face before addressing the twins. “I don’t think that would suffice. Do you?”

They both shook their heads. “No.”

“Absolutely not.”

Isak looked back and forth between them. He threw his hands in the air. “What more do I have to do?”

Even smirked. “You know exactly what to do, Isak.”

“Yes, Isak”, Mikkel was full on grinning now. “You know what to do!” 

“What?” He asked and was absolutely horrified when Trine made kissy faces at him.

He turned to look at Even. Expecting him to object or to do… anything to get themselves out of this situation. Instead he found him looking at Isak with a, what he could describe as daring, smile on his face.

Isak raised a questioning eyebrow at him and Even shrugged in return. “You know the rules.”

Isak rolled his eyes and Even raised a challenging eyebrow at him, and Isak wasn't the one who backed down from a challenge. 

Trying to act as cool and unaffected as he could manage, he shifted closer to Even’s side and raised on his tiptoes. He thought _God this is really happening_ and brushed his lips on Even’s soft cheek before he could lost his nerve.

He absolutely ignored the way both Trine and Mikkel squealed in delight.

“There”, he turned to the twins, avoiding Even’s eyes, “happy now?”

They both nodded. He was pretty sure he could see the actual stars in their eyes. He bit his lower lip to conceal his smile. It was just… it was really nice that there was someone out there rooting for Even and him to get together, even though Isak failed to share their optimism.

“Was it really so bad?” Even asked softly, breaking Isak out of his thoughts.

“What?”

Even rolled his eyes. “Kissing me.”

“It was just a peck on the cheek”, Isak corrected him.

No big deal. 

Right.

Even raised an eyebrow and smirked. He looked like he knew something Isak didn't know. “For now.”

And before Isak could ask what he meant by that, because Even couldn't possibly mean what Isak thought (hoped) he meant, they got interrupted once again by Lise, who came to pick the twins up.

Isak greeted her maybe a tad too enthusiastically before excusing himself and hurrying inside to fetch their jackets and bags. For a second he was afraid that Even was going to follow him inside, but was quite relieved when he realised that Even had chosen to stay put. He really needed some time alone to collect his thoughts.

Once he was inside, he decided to grab his own jacket and bag from the teachers’ room first. He threw his jacket on and slung his bag over his shoulder before heading to the kids’ lockers.

When he came back, Lise apologised a hundred times for being such an inconvenience and Isak reassured her that it was fine, he didn't mind staying behind because he enjoyed their company, before she huddled her kids in her car and drove off. Leaving Isak all alone with Even at the playground.

Isak took a deep breath and turned to Even. He wanted to ask so many questions. He wanted to know what his deal was; whether he was being serious or not. Because there was a good chance that Even meant the things he said, but Isak’s deeper insecurities was screaming at him that he didn't, that he was just playing.

But Isak knew Even. He knew that Even didn't have a mean bone in his body. He wouldn't be playing with people's feelings for fun. But it was also hard to believe that Even would want something more than friendship from someone like Isak.

All of that had vanished from his mind when he caught Even staring at the top of his head. He raised a self conscious hand to fix... whatever was needed to be fixed and blushed when his fingers touched the sharp edges of the tiara. He honestly had forgotten all about that.

He tried to slide it out of his hair, but Even touched his hand, stalling his movement. “You should leave it”, he said taking Isak’s hand in his and lowering them both down. “Suits you really well.”

“Um…” Isak trailed off, blinking stupidly at their joint hands. Even had always been a tactile guy and it might be an everyday occurrence for him to kiss, hug or touch his friends, but Isak was still not used to that kind of affection from him. And having his hand in Even’s much bigger ones for the second time in one day was something he could never be ready for. So he tried to pull his hand out of Even’s grasp for his own well being, but Even held on tighter.

“What are you doing?” he whispered, his wide eyes flitting from Even’s face to their hands.

Even shrugged. The motion pulled Isak’s hand up as well. Isak tried not to faint. “It seemed heavy, so I’m carrying it for you”, he explained like it was the most normal thing to do. “That’s what a proper knight would do.”

“So instead of offering to carry my bag for me, you chose...this?”

“Of course”, Even frowned like Isak was failing to see the obvious. “It’s more romantic this way.”

Isak didn’t think his eyes could grow any wider but life was full of miracles. “More romantic?” 

Even hummed. And the casual way he was acting was slowly driving Isak mad. “Although, now that I think about it, I should also be carrying your bag. So...”

He had to let go of Isak’s hand to take his bag and Isak wished he put it over the other shoulder instead. His hand felt rather too cold without Even’s covering it.

“Aren’t you- erm…exhausted?” he asked, trying not to sound too disappointed. “You know with the kids earlier… and stuff.” 

Always the most eloquent, Isak. Well done my dude.

“Nah”, Even objected, adjusting his hold on the strap. “I lift more than that at the gym. Those kids were like feathers.”

“Oh”, Isak said. He remembered the way Even had carried him in his arms. “Well I’m glad then.”

Even threw him a teasing glance before leaning into Isak’s space a bit and searching his eyes. “Were you worried about me?”

Isak blushed and turned his head away. “No. I wasn’t.”

“Oh, come on!” Even poked him in the stomach with a finger until he had Isak looking at him. “Admit it.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Alright. Maybe a little bit. But only because now you think you’re invincible or something.”

Even leaned back and lifted an offended hand to his heart. “How very dare you, Isak. I’m very invincible. I go to the gym almost everyday, if you haven't noticed.”

 _Believe me I have_ , Isak thought. 

“Right”, Isak deadpanned. “Going to the gym might help you to beat tiny little kids at games-”

Even gasped, “You little- Who saved you in the end, huh? Me, that’s who!”

“-but it certainly doesn't make you invincible”, Isak finally finished, barely containing his smile.

Even grimaced, “You are very ungrateful for a damsel who was in distress not longer than ten minutes ago, you know?”

“Well”, Isak shrugged. “Someone would've saved me eventually.”

“Like who?” Even frowned. 

Isak drove blank. Because, in all honesty, he didn't want anyone to save him but Even. It probably had a lot to do with him wanting no one but Even though.

“I don’t know”, he confessed.

Even made a humming noise like he was contemplating something. “Like Julian, maybe?” He said and started to walk off.

“Ju- Julian?” Isak stuttered, slightly out of breath as he caught up to him.

“He’s very keen on you, isn't he?” Even said with a sour look on his face. 

“Maybe. I don’t care”, Isak wondered why Even cared about Julian so much when Isak had already told him it was one sided on Julian’s part. 

Even turned to look at him as they approached to the tram stops, “You don't have to lie to me, you know. If you’re interested in him. He’s your type after all.”

“He’s not my type”, Isak sighed. Julian was cute, yes. But he was barely taller than Isak and was too blonde and too buff for his taste. And the way he had been all over Isak at that party reeked of desperation.

“He’s not?” Even asked. “But he’s all-”

“I don’t care about any of that, Even”, Isak said. “I’ve already told you.”

Even frowned and bit his lip. “But then why did you-”

But before he could finish his sentence, their tram arrived. 

Isak was still looking up at him expectantly when Even shook his head, “Never mind. We will continue this at home.”

Isak nodded and allowed Even to lead him into the crowded tram with a hand on his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for Even's cheesiness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely CANNOT believe that this silly fic has now reached 750 kudos! It is a lot more than what I initially expected and what I actually deserve tbh. So thank you all so so so much!
> 
> I'm also so so so sorry for being an inconsistent piece of garbage and not updating this sooner. I had been exceptionally busy at work, and then my lovely mother came to visit me so I had to show her around, so I simply couldn't find any spare time to write. Again, my apologies for the delay, and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.
> 
> All mistakes are mine.

_“We will talk about this at home”, my ass,_ Isak thought.

Because as soon as they got off the tram, Even refused to meet his expectant eyes and mumbled a bullshit excuse about forgetting something at the gym and fucked off to God knew where. Leaving Isak with no choice but to stare after him with his mouth opening and closing like a silly little fish, words seemingly stuck in his throat...

If only he knew what he apparently had been doing so, very wrong to cause Even to retreat into his shell like that. He would do everything in his power to fix it.

Isak let out a dry, unamused chuckle, laughing at his own naivety as he walked home without Even by his side. His legs didn't really feel like his own. His body felt ten times heavier like it was filled with cement. That stupid tiara was still dangling from his fingers. Maybe that was what he deserved for never learning from his mistakes. How many more times did he have to burn by the same flame before he learnt not to get his hopes up when it came to Even?

Because while they were on the tram, Isak was feeling exceptionally brave. (How could he not when Even had his arm wrapped around Isak's waist to steady him against any sudden motion?) He was finally ready to lay his cards on the table, and bear his soul to Even, if he needed to. Even though the pessimistic side of him was pretty sure that the night was going to end with him being gently turned down. But Isak hadn’t let that dishearten him. Anything was better than this weird back and forth between them. Because he was getting quite sick of it. 

_You should've listened to that pessimistic side,_ Isak thought, heart heavy and eyes teary. 

When at home, he felt too worn out to be preparing proper dinner. His appetite also had disappeared like a puff of smoke before he even entered the building. He placed the tiara on top of the kitchen counter and went through their junk food cupboard. He finally settled for some sea salt and pepper crackers (which he was pretty sure actually belonged to Even, but guess what? He didn't give a damn). He took a seat at the table and shoved a handful of them into his mouth.

With each crunch returned the bitterness and anger.

Because as surreal as it sounded, for a moment Isak really did believe that they were both on the same page. He knew that wasn’t making shit up in his mind like he used to do with Jonas in high school. When he twisted each word and every _friendly_ touch from him to suit his fantasies in which they meant that Jonas liked Isak back; liked him just as much. 

Isak had been observing Even’s behaviour. Been doing that for sometime now. And while some of the things Even had done could be categorised as his usual friendly Even self, the others… Not so much. Like that time earlier at the playground when Trine and Mikkel asked Isak to kiss Even. He could swear Even looked enthusiastic; so not opposed to the idea like Isak previously assumed he would be. And he had been so weird about Julian lately. Whenever the topic of Julian came up, and it came up quite a lot because the boys loved to tease Isak about it, Even'd get that look on his face: the corners of his mouth twisted in an unkind way and his brows furrowed. Like he was smelling something funny. Like he was jealous, if Isak was honest. Which was ridiculous, since Isak had shown no interest in Julian.

So, really. He didn’t understand why Even was being so reluctant to clear up the fog now. 

When the doorbell rang, breaking Isak away from his thoughts, he jumped and hastily put the crackers down, wiping his hands on his jeans in a nervous fashion. He run to the door and flung it open in the hopes of finding Even behind it.

He was massively disappointed when he opened the door to Mikael, who was grinning widely. “Hi, Isak!” He chirped enthusiastically, raising on his toes to glance somewhere over Isak’s shoulder. Isak wished he could share it. “Is Even home? He isn't answering any of my texts.”

“What are you doing here?”, Isak asked instead.

“Wow", Mikael said, deflating a bit. "Don’t look too excited to see me!”

Isak shook his head. No need to make Mikael feel bad just because he was currently mad at some seven feet tall asshole. “Sorry! I just… I thought you were Even”, he confessed.

Mikael’s eyes widened. “He isn’t home? Why isn't he home?” He asked. Isak didn't understand how he managed to look both surprised and disappointed at the same time. 

“He said he forgot something at the gym”, Isak shrugged, indicating that he knew no more than that.

Mikael frowned, “But he didn’t go to the gym today, did he? We always work out together. I would know.”

Well. That further confirmed Isak's suspicions of Even leaving just to dodge the conversation with him. He probably had done it only to avoid hurting Isak’s feelings by turning him down, and Isak really didn’t want to cry in front of Even’s best friend but it was just too damn hard. He tightened his grip on the doorknob.

Isak shrugged again and took a shaky breath as if to push the hurt back to where it first came from. “That's what he told me.”

“You guys talked though, right? Like, about important things… and stuff”, Mikael asked. 

Isak bit his lips and shook his head. “I thought we would, but…” he opened his arms as if to say _“Well, here we are”_.

Mikael run a hand through his hair and breathed out something which suspiciously sounded like _I knew this would happen._ “Isak”, he started, looking right into Isak’s eyes. “I’m gonna say something very vague and just as equally cryptic because I can't fully break the Bro Code, but I’m pretty sure you’re smart enough to deduce it anyway.”

Isak frowned, intrigued. “O-okay…”

Mikael nodded, satisfied with the amount of focus Isak was putting into their conversation, and leaned in. Isak reflexively mirrored it back, narrowing his eyes just like Mikael did. He would have found the whole thing very amusing if he wasn't feeling so emotionally drained. “Even would watch the Emoji Movie a hundred times if _you_ asked him to.”

Isak’s frown deepened as he leaned back. “What?”

“You heard me”, Mikael said. “Think about it.”

“I- I don’t… I haven't even seen that movie.”

Mikael rolled his eyes. “Isak, my dude, my mate. I’m _thiiiiis_ close to violating the Code, so I have to bid you farewell right now”, he raised two fingers to his temple. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

With that Mikael turned around and left. And Isak, not really understanding the reason behind Mikael's short visit, was so, very done with boys and their shady asses.

He shut the door after Mikael and dragged himself to his bedroom. He was confused, and still a bit angry. But most of his anger was now replaced by the confusion. He carelessly plopped down on the bed and yelped, pushing himself up into a sitting position, when Dallas literally poked him in the bum from under his blanket. 

He flushed as he remembered the state he had been in yesterday when he snatched it out of the bedside table. He was frustrated, and aching hard in his pants after watching Even play basketball with the boys in nothing but his shorts, because he had decided to get rid of his shirt approximately five minutes into the game, claiming that it was too hot. (It really wasn’t). Isak had almost died then and there when Even pulled it off and threw it into his direction for him to catch with a fucking wink. 

The fact that he couldn't even properly wink shouldn't be as endearing as it was to Isak. His heart rate certainly did not needed another reason to increase. 

For a short while Isak sat there motionless, blinking down at the shirt with wide eyes. There was a mantra going on inside his head saying _“Don’t smell it. Don't smell it. Don't smell it…”_ and it was, once again, so hard to resist to the urge to push his nose into the neckline and take a sniff. Thankfully, his level of desperation had not reached to that point yet. But he assumed he was getting there.

The picture Even painted then, shirtless with a smooth, toned chest and a big, careless grin on his face, was Isak’s ultimate weakness. At that moment, Isak could barely stand how much he loved and wanted him, and how beautiful he found him. So he quickly threw the shirt onto the bench and got up. It was either that, or he was afraid he would end up screaming out of frustration like a cat during a mating season, and make everyone around him uncomfortable. He reckoned he’d made the noble decision.

Isak blinked and shook his head to snap himself out of his little trip down the memory lane. Still blushing, he grabbed Dallas from its not-so-hidden place and threw it haphazardly into his laundry basket. Or at least tried to... He, of course, failed to aim it well and winced when it landed with a dull thud on the wooden floor.

Whatever, he rolled his eyes. He could sort all that out later. 

But for now, he really needed something to distract himself from his everyday, pathetic life. So he grabbed his laptop and propped himself against the pillows. He could watch that Emoji movie Mikael was talking about. Maybe, it would help him to calm down and clear his head. 

*

Almost an hour later, Isak decided that he couldn't do this to himself anymore and pushed his laptop off his lap. The movie was so utterly ridiculous, it was probably one of the most horrible things he had ever seen with his own two eyes. Even worse than the black and white movies in French that Even had made him watch. He knew he should’ve closed the tab the moment the Devil Emoji appeared on the screen. Because the person, whoever the fuck he was, sounded so much like him it seriously creeped Isak out. Isak wished there was a way to take back that one hour he had spent on it. 

Now, blinking up at the ceiling, he was left wondering why Mikael had given that sorry excuse for a movie as an example. There was no way Even would watch that crap even if someone paid him to do it.

Unless, Isak’s treacherous mind supplied, Mikael was hinting that Even would do anything for Isak if he asked him to. And Isak tried to dismiss that thought; kept turning it inside his head hoping to find an angle which would help him to grasp it firmly in his hands, and throw it into the metaphorical trashcan. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find what he was looking for. Not this time. Not with the way he was repeating Mikael’s words over and over again in his mind. Not with the way Even was acting around him recently.

He was his own worst enemy sometimes.

He huffed, scooting down the bed. He turned on his side and rested his head on his hand. There was a way to get an answer for all those questions. A way to put his mind and soul at ease and kill the hope that had been building up inside of him again. He took his phone out of his pocket and started to construct a text to Mikael. Hoping that he would answer him back, and answer him honestly.

 **Isak:** I watched that emoji crap. It's hideous!

 **Mikael:** So???

 **Isak:** So… what?

 **Mikael:** Tell me you get my point now.

 **Isak:** Not really no.

I mean I have something in mind but... That can't be it. 

**Mikael:** Isak, my bro, that's it. THAT S LITERALLY IT IM TELLING YOU SON 

**Isak:** You don't even know what I have in mind.

 **Mikael:** Don't I?

DONT I??!??!!

 **Isak:** It can't be true though.

 **Mikael:** Why would you say that?

 **Isak:** It’s just…

It's hard to believe that someone like Even could ever feel that way for someone like me.

It feels almost impossible if I'm honest... 

**Mikael:** Dude. DUDE. Don't put yourself down.

And listen, I know my idiot best friend had given you lots of reasons for feeling like that but trust me, you have nothing to be afraid of. NOTHING!

Because Isak, you are perfect. You are beautiful. You look like Linda Evangelista. You look like a model!

 **Isak:** Before you ask, no, I didn't stone these tights.

 **Mikael:** See, you get the reference!

You are honestly so great Isak. I would be having the biggest crush on you if I already didn't have someone in mind.

Please stop doubting yourself and go for it.

 **Isak:** So, just to be clear, what you're saying is that Even returns my feelings, right? 

**Mikael:** I'm not saying it. I'm hinting at it. 

Remember the Bro Code! 

**Isak:** Alright... I get it. 

But... what do I do now? 

Like, should I talk to Even when he comes home or? 

**Mikael:** Yes please oh my god do that

 **Isak:** And you’re positive that I won't be rejected?

 **Mikael:** Like 1000000% positive dude

 **Isak** : Ok. Cool.

…

Oh my god Mikael

 **Mikael:** I KNOW RIGHT

Go get your man!

 **Isak:** Alright. Alright. If I survive this I'll try.

And thank you. Honestly.

For helping me and all that.

 **Mikael:** No worries at all man.

Because I know you would do the same for me and help me and wish the best for me if I had a crush on someone from your squad.

 **Isak:** Of course!

But you don’t have a crush on any of them so...

 **Mikael:** Haha yeah no of course I don't 

That would be ridiculous

Imagine that haha

 **Isak:** OMG MIKAEL

 **Mikael:** What????

 **Isak:** You're crushing on one of them aren't you?????

 **Mikael:** No haha what? Where did that come from?

It was just an example why would i have a crush on someone from your squad those boys are terrible.

I mean face wise. 

So no haha :)

 **Isak:** The lady doth protest too much methinks...

 **Mikael:** I have no idea what you are talking about dude.

 **Isak:** Alright don't tell me but I think I know who it is anyway :P

 **Mikael:** … who?

 **Isak:** Jonas.

It’s Jonas, isn't it?

You two were pretty touchy feely yesterday during the game ;)

 **Mikael:** … maybe.

 **Isak:** OMG

But don't you worry! I won't tell anyone anything unless you want me to <3

And I’m glad it's Jonas because he is the greatest!

Not that Magnus and Mahdi aren't great but you know… Magnus is Magnus and Mahdi is dating Eskild so yeah.

 **Mikael:** So Jonas is available?

 **Isak:** Very ;)

 **Mikael:** Oh alright. Good to know.

Isak was about to text Mikael back to tell him that he could help him with Jonas whenever he felt ready, but his fingers froze on the keyboard when he thought he heard the very familiar sound of Even unlocking the front door. He slowly lowered the phone on his chest, his hands slightly shaking and his heart thumping against his rib cage.

He closed his eyes and yes, Even was definitely home. He could hear him moving inside the house. Could hear him taking off his shoes. Could hear the soft thumping sounds as he tried to align them in front of the wall, and discarded his bag near the front door. Then he moved to the kitchen to drink water from the tap. Isak could sense that he was taking hesitant steps, as if he was being extra careful not to alert Isak of his presence. 

He could hear Even grabbing an apple from their fruit basket, and giving a quick rinse before he took a bite. And Isak knew that was Even's whole journey outside of his own room for tonight, maybe except for the time he spent in the bathroom to brush his teeth, so he reckoned he needed to be quick if he really wanted to get everything resolved.

Maybe Even wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he also was scared, or had some other reasons for delaying the inevitable. But Isak was determined. He was going to talk to Even tonight. No matter what happened, he wasn't going to back down. He simply couldn't. Not after his little chat with Mikael. Even was just going to have to deal with it.

So he quietly counted to ten, and got up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this one posted, only one more chapter left. I can't believe I'm almost at the end of the road.
> 
> If you guys want to, you can find me on Tumblr: bechs.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

When Isak entered the kitchen, he found Even dusting the crumbs Isak left on the table into his hand. A half eaten apple was securely tucked between his teeth as he did so. 

Despite feeling nervous and unsure about the whole thing, (he was honestly an eyebrow raise away from turning straight around and completely forgetting about everything he decided to say), Isak couldn’t help but to let the fondness he felt for Even pool into the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t stop the warmth that was blooming in his chest at the familiar sight of him. Because he knew in the end, no matter what happened between them, this was still the boy who didn’t mind cleaning after Isak, cooking for Isak and taking care of Isak. 

And if what Mikael implied wasn’t true, was just a slight misjudgement on his part, Isak knew for sure that Even wouldn’t be cruel about it. He wouldn’t mock or tease, or tell all of his friends and have a good laugh about it behind Isak’s back. 

Even would turn Isak down gently instead. He would try his best to not hurt Isak's feelings in the process, reassuring him that this wasn’t going to change anything between them, and that would be the end of it.

And if it was true… Well. Then Isak wasn’t going to let Even be “the one that got away” because of his insecurities. If there was a slight chance of making Even his, then he was going to take it.

 _Just like ripping off a band-aid,_ Isak thought while looking at Even. _Do it once and for all._

“Hi”, Isak decided to say to break the silence. The unexpected noise in the otherwise quiet room made Even look up from his task so fast, the apple in his mouth almost dropped onto the floor with the sudden movement. Eyes wide, he caught it with his right hand that wasn’t holding the crumbs. Isak would’ve laughed at the surprised look on Even’s face if he didn’t feel like his internal organs were currently relocating themselves inside of his 6 feet tall body.

“Hello, Isak. Hi”, Even said hastily, before awkwardly turning around and chucking everything into the trash bin. Isak wondered how he didn’t bump into anything in their small kitchen with the way his limbs were flailing all over the place.

When Even continued to fiddle with the lid of the bin instead of acknowledging Isak’s presence again, Isak cleared his throat to get his attention back. It felt like sandpaper. 

“Can we talk?”, he asked. When Even turned around looking like he might refuse, he added, “Please?”. 

“Alright”, Even answered finally. He took a deep breath when Isak gestured at the kitchen table for them to sit. He had a feeling that Even knew what this conversation was going to be about. But Isak didn’t let the downturned corners of Even’s mouth, and the way he kept avoiding Isak’s eyes dishearten him.

“Can I say something, though”, Even said, sitting down. He briefly glanced up at Isak before looking down at the table once again. His pointer finger started drawing nervous patterns on the glossy surface. “Before you start?”

“Sure”, Isak said, taking a seat across Even. He hated how small he sounded. How trembly his voice was. He could exactly see what was coming. This was Even’s way of turning him down before Isak could open his mouth and make a fool of himself. “Go ahead”. 

“Isak”, Even took a deep breath. Isak wished Even would look him in the eye. “I’m so, so sorry.”

And he did look sorry. He had been looking sorry, or guilty, Isak honestly couldn’t tell, ever since Isak interrupted him.

Isak frowned, not really understanding what he was sorry for, though. “For what?”.

“For… for touching you like that earlier at the playground”, Even started. He then shook his head, as if he was rebuking himself in his head. “I made things really awkward. I keep making everything awkward between us recently”, Isak watched as Even run a trembling hand through his hair. “I should- I should’ve known better. Just because you like guys doesn’t mean that you like me. I’m not even your type, for Christ’s sake. I-“

“But you are!”, Isak cut Even’s mini rant off. It was not something he would normally do. He normally would let Even rant to his heart’s content. He would sit through them with a lovesick smile on his face, just happy with being able to watch Even without having to find an excuse. But this time, he just… He just couldn’t.

How could he when Even was feeling guilty because he thought him touching Isak was unwelcome on Isak’s part? When Even clearly had been beating himself up over it? When Even thought he wasn’t Isak’s type and thought that Isak didn’t like him?

How on earth could he even think that? Isak wanted to shake him and kiss him all at the same time.

“What?”, Even's eyes widened in disbelief. Like he really thought he wasn’t everything Isak had ever wanted. This stupid, silly boy.

“You are my type, Even! What the hell?” Isak swallowed back the laughter that suddenly bubbled up inside of him. Because to him, what Even said really sounded like he liked Isak back. What else he would be upset about not being Isak’s type for? 

Isak was just hoping that he wasn’t reading this entire situation wrong. 

“But- but you said…", Even stuttered. "When the boys were here. You said I was too lanky for you. That your type was that Charlie Hunnam prick!"

“I lied, Even. Oh my god”, Isak rolled his eyes, a huge grin adorning his face. “I lied because I didn’t want them to tease me because of my stupid crush!”

Well. There it was.

“You have a crush on me?”, Even whispered in awe. Isak was delighted to see that Even was now smiling. Even if it was a subtle upturn of the corners of his lips.

“Duh”, Isak said, his cheeks pinking a tiny bit. “Idiot”, he said, kicking Even in the shin under the table to cover his blush up. The bastard didn’t even flinch.

“Oh”, Even said, now smiling widely. “That’s chill.”

“That’s chill?”, Isak yelled, frowning. “That’s all you have to say? _That’s chill!_ ”, he imitated, or tried to, Even’s low rumble.

Even rolled his eyes. “I mean. I sort of told you that I liked you, didn’t I? What more do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know”, Isak shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. “That part wasn’t very clear to me. Open to interpretation, if I’m honest”, he teased.

God. He could’ve never imagined a day where he teased Even into admitting that he liked him. Not even in his wildest dreams.

Even leaned back in his chair. His body language indicated that he was happy and relaxed. Isak gave himself a mental pat on the back. “You are going to be a little shit about all of this, aren’t you?”, Even cocked his head to the side. “And I’m going to love every second of it.”

 _Love_. 

If Isak had known it was going to be this easy to talk about their feelings, _love_ , and to get everything resolved between them, he would’ve done it long, long time ago. The things he had done to conceal what he truly felt for Even looked so stupid and unnecessary in retrospect.

“Maybe”, Isak said, uncrossing his arms and placing his elbows on top of the table. He then rested his chin on his palms, looking up at Even expectantly. “So…”

Even sighed, like Isak was asking him to climb Mount Everest, or something. Isak somehow knew it was all for the show, though; that Even was just being a little shit. “Isak Valtersen”, Even started, reaching out and taking one of Isak’s hands into his own. 

Isak’s heart almost stopped at the gesture. He stared, and stared, and stared as Even linked their fingers together. _Breathe, Isak_ , he thought. _You have to breathe._

They fitted so perfectly. 

“Even Bech Næsheim”, he failed to recognise his own voice because of how breathless he sounded, still unable to look at anywhere other than their joint hands.

“I love you”, Even said. 

Isak’s head snapped up, eyes growing ten times bigger with surprise. “Oh”, Isak breathed out. “That’s…”, he trailed off, unsure of what to say. How on earth did this boy always manage to find a way to catch him off guard?

“What? You thought mine was just a simple crush?”, Even raised his eyebrows. “You underestimate me, Valtersen.”

Lowering his gaze and biting his lower lip, Isak dragged his fingers over Even’s pulse point. Even’s fingers twitched in his. “Since… since when?”

Even hummed. “From the moment I saw you”, and when Isak raised a sceptical eyebrow, he continued. “I mean, I didn’t fall in love with you straight away. You know I was with Sonja at that time, but… I was just so intrigued. Kept thinking about you all the time. Thought I was obsessed to be honest”, he chuckled and tapped Isak’s nose. “Maybe I am.”

Isak batted his hand away and rubbed his nose. The gesture made Even smile. Maybe he never actually stopped smiling. “But you… during that party. The one we went after you broke up with her. You know the one. Why did you kiss her?”, he asked. 

He was just being curious, and the answer didn’t matter. Not really. It wasn’t going to change anything. He was sitting at this kitchen table with Even’s hand in his. Whatever happened in the past held no significance in the _now_. But still, that nosy side of him wanted to know.

“I…”, Even started, frowning and looking down. “I saw you with Julian.”

“With Julian?”, Isak parroted. “But I- nothing happened with Julian!”

Even shrugged, his eyes held a certain kind of sadness in them. Isak wished he had a magic wand that he could swing once in the air and reverse everything. “I saw you two in the kitchen. He was touching your hair and… I don’t know. You seemed happy. I thought me and my bipolar ass stood no chance.”

“Even”, he reached out and tilted Even’s chin up with his fingers. He didn’t let go until Even looked into his eyes. He wanted Even to see how sincere he was being. “I swear I was just trying to get rid of him without causing a scene. I hated how handsy he was and all I wanted to do was to find you, I swear.”

“The Isak I know would’ve told him to fuck off and die”, Even teased with a happy, mischievous glint in his eyes. “Are you getting soft with age?”

“Oh, shut up”, Isak rolled his eyes. “He gives Jonas money and weed. I didn’t want to jeopardise that. I’m a good friend.”

Even made a disgusted face with a hint of confusion. “I know”, Isak said, laughing. “I don’t get their relationship at all.”

“So”, Even dragged out. “No Julian. No… anyone else?”

“Nope”, Isak confirmed. “Just you and your bipolar ass”, he admitted, smiling and ducking his head. “It has been you for a while.”

“Aw”, Even ruffled his hair. “You’re so adorable.”

“I’m not adorable”, Isak tilted his chin up in defiance. “I’m manly and rugged. I carried you on my shoulders, remember?”

“How can I forget? I still have nightmares.”

Isak gasped and slapped Even on the shoulder with his free hand. “Dick!” 

Even put a hand on his heart and bowed his head, “Whenever you want, my darling.”

Isak squealed and pulled his hand out of Even’s grasp. “You’re gross”, he said getting up. “This is over. I’m leaving you! Bye!”

But before he could take a step away from the table, he felt two strong arms wrapping around his waist, and a solid chest against his back. “You’re not going anywhere”, Even said into his neck, stealing Isak’s breath away and sending pleasant shivers down his spine.

Isak melted into his embrace and sighed contently, rubbing Even’s forearms with his hands and effectively pulling them tighter around himself. He dropped his head back onto Even’s shoulder to look up at him. “I just wanted to go to my room”, he batted his eyelashes. A picture of fake innocence.

Even smiled, clearly not buying his act. “And I just wanted to kiss you.”

“Oh”, Isak said, blushing. “Don’t- don’t let me stop you then.”

With that, the air between them shifted. It was like in the movies. A slow motion scene in which Even brought his face down at the same time Isak tilted his up. But this was real life, and without a script or a director to guide them, they were just two gangly, messy boys who ended up miscalculating the distance between their faces. And instead of their lips slotting together like they were first intended, their noses painfully bumped into each other.

“Ow”, Isak said, getting out of Even’s arms and holding his nose with his thumb and pointer finger. 

“You alright?”, Even rushed to his side and batted his hand away, checking Isak’s nose for any damage. “It’s not bleeding”, he said, relieved.

Isak gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m fine. Are _you_ alright?”, he asked, trying to see whether Even was in pain or not.

“Yeah”, Even said. “My nose isn’t as vulnerable as yours.”

Isak gasped. “Excuse me? My nose is the strongest nose in the universe!”

“Didn’t it bleed once just from getting hit by a cushion?”

Isak narrowed his eyes. “You know too much.”

Even shrugged unapologetically, pulling Isak back into his arms. “I want to know everything there’s to know about you.”

Wrapping his arms around Even’s neck, Isak smiled dopily at him. He felt like he was melting bit by bit with every word Even said. 

“Oh!”, he said suddenly, sobering up.

“What?”, Even frowned, looking concerned once again.

“I just… it just hit me“, Isak wrinkled his nose.

“What?”

Isak bit his lower lip and glanced up at Even. “That was our first kiss.”

Even sucked in a breath that probably consumed all the air in the kitchen, “Oh, hell no!”

“But it was”, Isak insisted just to be a little shit. He knew how romantic Even was. He also knew that the idea of having a not so romantic first kiss was probably like the end of the world for him.

“Nope. No no no no”, Even shook his head. “If anyone asks, because you know they will, we’re gonna say that I kissed you under the rain after declaring my eternal love for you. Or that I kissed you under water like that pool scene in Romeo + Juliet.”

“Well you have to pick one.”

“Hmmm”, Even contemplated for a while, pursing his lips. “Let’s go with the underwater kiss.”

“Alright”, Isak decided to indulge him. “Why does it always have to involve water, though?” 

“Because it’s romantic and creative!”, Even exclaimed.

“No, it’s pretentious”, Isak rolled his eyes. “Why can’t we just say that you first kissed me in our cozy little kitchen?”

Now it was Even’s turn to roll his eyes. “It’s not exactly a romantic setting, is it? When we say our kitchen, people will think a bowl filled with questionable looking fruits, unwashed dishes in the sink and crooked fridge magnets”, he tried to reason with Isak. “Besides, it wasn’t like we kissed. It was more like our noses kissed.”

Isak lifted his chin and smirked. “Oh, so you don’t want to kiss me right here, right now in this kitchen to fix that?”

Even gasped in mock offence. “I absolutely did not say that. How dare you accuse me with such thing?”

Before Isak could open his mouth to retaliate, Even tightened his arms around his waist, and captured his lips in a kiss so sweet that it had Isak’s heart singing. Isak didn’t kiss many people in his short life, if he was honest, but he kissed enough to know that noone could ever hold a candle to Even. The way Even's arms felt around Isak’s waist, his large hands on Isak’s lower back, the soft hair on his nape between Isak’s fingers, his upper lip on Isak’s cupid bow, his taste… Isak was addicted.

And when Even’s tongue softly traced his lips, silently asking for the entrance which Isak was more than happy to give, Isak let out a whimper that caused something inside Even to switch. Their kisses went from gentle and exploratory to heated and desperate in seconds.

So Isak tightened his grip on Even’s hair, trying to pull him in, in, in unless that little space between them disappeared. Even moaned into his mouth, and Isak’s legs almost gave out with the way they were trembling. He made a mental note to never kiss Even while he was standing. 

The kiss ended too soon for Isak’s liking, when Even suddenly pulled away. Isak tried to bring Even’s lips back onto his, but Even dodged his mouth by turning his head away.

“Wha- why?”, Isak didn’t pout because he wasn't four, but it was a close thing.

Even smiled, reaching behind his head to pry Isak’s hands from his hair. He didn’t let Isak’s hands go as he brought them down between their bodies. “Let’s take this slow. Let me wine and dine you first before we do the inevitable.”

“The inevitable?”, Isak smiled. “Who said I’m going to put out?”

“Oh, please”, Even smirked. “You were trying to climb me like a tree-”, he looked down at his watch, “a second ago.”

Isak rolled his eyes. He was too transparent and Even had a point. “What should we do now then?”

“We could watch a movie?”, Even suggested.

Isak made a face. Only Even would choose to watch a movie instead of screwing each other’s brains out. “Only if I get to choose”, Isak said, raising a challenging eyebrow.

Even shrugged, turning him around and gently pushing him in the general direction of where their rooms were. “Only if you choose a movie without explosions.”

“Well. I was actually thinking of watching the new King Arthur movie”, Isak said smirking. When he heard, and felt at the back of his head, Even huffing out an exasperated sigh, he turned his head to address him properly.

“What? You said no explosions! Or, do you have something against medieval hunks fighting against dark magic?”

Even rolled his eyes. “You know damn well-“

Isak swiftly turned around to kiss him, and to effectively shut him up. “I’m just joking”, he said when they parted. “You can choose the movie. I don't really care.”

“Good”, Even said. “Can we watch it in your room?”

“Sure”, Isak said, pushing his door open. He then remembered the state his room was in. Remembered the way Dallas was currently chilling on his floor. He yelped, abruptly turning around and stopping Even with a hand on his chest and pushing him out of his room before he could take a look inside. He slammed the door closed behind himself and leaned back against it.

He realised that it was too late when he finally had a chance to steal a glance up at Even. Who was smiling widely. Asshole.

“Isak”, Even said, slowly closing the distance between them. Isak didn’t know how he did it, but his smile grew wider with each step. He came to a halt in front of Isak, leaning in close and caging him between his arms with his palms flat on the door beside Isak’s head. Isak felt like a prey who was about to be eaten by the big bad wolf.

“Yes?”, Isak breathed out. 

“What was that on your floor, my darling?”, Even asked, as if he didn’t already know.

“It’s just…”, Isak gulped. The house suddenly felt twenty degrees hotter. “Just my usual mess, you know? Like, dirty clothes and stuff… I know I should've washed them but-”, he knew he was rambling but he couldn’t stop.

Even hummed and Isak ducked his head in embarrassment, hiding his flushed face behind his hair. He closed his eyes and wished for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He was sure there wasn’t any cute boys down there to witness him embarrass himself.

Then he felt Even’s fingers in his hair, slowly carding through the wavy strands. Even tucked a stray one behind his ear before tracing a finger down the side of his face, his thumb gently stroking over Isak’s cheekbone. Isak found himself leaning into the touch, the tension leaving his body immediately. 

“Baby, look at me, please”, Even said softly. And how could Isak refuse him when he was being so sweet?

“It’s really nothing to be ashamed of”, Even continued, smiling. This time it was a kinder, gentler smile that warmed Isak’s insides up. When he saw that Isak didn’t appear to be convinced, he added, “I’m serious. You like to get yourself off with a pink dildo, so what?”

“You’re not...”, Isak started. “You’re not like… weirded out?”.

“Dude, if you looked down you would see that I’m far from being weirded out”, Even joked. 

Isak let out a relieved laugh at that, all of his previous embarrassment now gone. He leaned up to give Even a quick kiss on the lips. “Well, if you hadn’t insisted on taking things slow, I would’ve let you use it on me”, he teased.

Even groaned, pushing Isak against the door and taking his mouth in a searing kiss. His hands once again found their way around Isak’s waist. “I’m already regretting it big time”, he confessed into Isak’s mouth. 

Isak smirked, his tongue darting out to lick at Even’s upper lip once. “I play dirty.”

“Very, very dirty”, Even said, his hands slowly sliding down from Isak’s waist to his thighs. Isak arched an eyebrow before jumping up and wrapping his legs around Even’s slender waist, and his arms around Even’s neck.

“Are we gonna do it?”, he asked, sounding far too excited like Even told him that he could open his Christmas presents. If he wasn’t so afraid of falling on his ass, he would’ve probably clapped his hands twice.

“You won”, Even said before pulling Isak's head down to kiss him again. 

The rest was… Well. Isak wished he had a bigger dildo to prepare him for what Even was actually packing in those baggy khaki trousers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm finaly finished with this. Thank you for sticking with my inconsistent ass till the end. Love you all <3
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ bechs.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> There's a porn movie called "Debbie does Dallas" so "Issy does Dallas" was a reference to that. -> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Debbie_Does_Dallas
> 
> Also here's the Urban Dictionary link -> http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=twink&=true&page=4
> 
> The title is from "Hold my breath" by Holy Ghost.


End file.
